Domestic Geek

Wow, I got a lot accomplished this weekend. I'll post more about that later as I'm working today to get the extra money I need to go to Vegas. A paid holiday plus time and a half for working...can't beat that! Also, it gives Marcus some alone time at home which the poor guy doesn't get enough of. Have a happy and safe Labor Day, everybody!

Hey, I remembered to Rabbit, Rabbit this month, and since it is my birth month, it's supposed to be extra lucky.

I'm feeling a bit lost and lonely and I don't know what I'm doing that creates this. Except for Marcus, I don't have any real live friends. I have acquaintances, but no true friends. I have some friends on the Internet, but they can't come hang out with me. I don't know why I can't connect or stay connected to people. Most people my age have kids and I can't relate to them. I'm always the odd man out, the last to be chosen, if I'm even remembered at all. Lately all those old high school memories of being left out have come flooding back and I'm hurting. I try to reach out to people and I'm ignored. I feel invisible once again.

It's when I feel like this that I realize why I'm 300 pounds, my finances are a joke and my house is a mess. I don't have the will to do anything about any of this because "why bother?" Nobody is around to notice anyway. I'm just the reliable girl that does her job, doesn't make waves and exists in the background.

I know that part of this is that I don't know where my passion lies. If I found something to participate in that I was passionate about, I would find people like me. I've spent so much of my life being what I thought I was supposed to be that I really don't know what I want.

I've been such a slacker today. For whatever reason, I'm just feeling run down and out of sorts. I'm feeling a little blue, too. I really don't know why. I'm wondering if I'm starting to feel the effects of the days getting shorter. I'm also a little bored and frustrated at work. Oh, well...this will pass. I've just got such much I want to do and having to go to work every day doing mindless tasks is a little frustrating. I'm also probably a little burned out. I realized today that I haven't had a vacation in three years (being unemployed DOES NOT COUNT). That was when we went to visit Marcus' folks in Tennessee.

I've been really trying to meditate and clear my head lately. I've got this itchy feeling that something is about to change, I just don't know what. I sure hope that whatever it is, it is for the good.

Last weekend I splurged and bought myself some Breyers All Natural Coffee Ice Cream at Target. I'm sickened to the core about how many chemicals and how much High Fructose Corn Syrup is in most commercial ice creams. It's just not right.

Anyway, Wednesday evening after dinner I got myself a couple of scoops and came back here to the old computer to enjoy it while surfing my blogroll and forums. Quite a bit later, Marcus informs me that my ice cream is melting all over the counter and is running down behind the stove. D'oh! I cleaned up what I could and I guess I get to pull the stove out on Sunday to clean back there before I attract bugs or worse. Dammit!

See, my memory really is impaired lately. That was so not cool.

*short for Goober, as in dork...not peanut.